《射手》（Archer）S05E04《Archer Vice: House Call》

Archer为Pam准备的计划被一个不速之客给彻底破坏了。

Cyril makes visual aids to help explain that while they are already down about $6 million dollars worth of cocaine, but due to major bungling, have no profits to show for it. Archer blames Pam, and the topic switches to her fairly serious cocaine addiction. While the others discuss how she keeps getting ahold of the cocaine, Pam stands up to reveal her now much skinnier self. Malory threatens to send Pam to rehab, and in turn Pam threatens to go straight to the cops and turn them all in. Woodhouse appears and knocks her out with a frying pan, apologising to Archer that his breakfast will now be four minutes late.

Lana turns down Mallory’s suggestion of killing Pam by feeding her an enourmous cake made of cocaine, while they tie the unconcious Pam to a chair. Cheryl/Carol walks in, and makes a typical comment about how disgusting babies are. At this point, Kreiger suddenly appears from a secret passage. Cheryl reveals that her grandfather used to use them to sneak up on ” the colored maids”. Krieger then reveals a possible solution to Pam’s addictive personality: his new and improved, nearly microscopic mind control chip, which needs only to be injected into the brain, not surgically implanted. Archer asked if it is improved over the one that made Len Trexler think he was a lettuce, and Ron asks who Len Trexler is (Malory says she’s “never heard of him”). At this point, Pam wakes up, and becomes enraged upon learning their plans to implant the chip in her brain. Mallory questions whether or not the chip could be used to overcome stage fright, and Cheryl rejects the idea. Mallory begins to insist, but Pam breaks loose, snatches Cheryl, and disappears into the tunnel Krieger initially emerged from.

As Kreiger hands out guns filled with tranquilizer darts, Woodhouse appears and announces that “there is an Agent Hawley at the door”. Cyril (who used to be a defense attorney) begins going over the legalities of why Agent Hawley can’t come in, unless of course, he is invited, and Agent Hawley walks in. Cyril insists that he leave immediately, as he has entered unlawfully, at which point Woodhouse reveals that he invited him in.

When questioned by Malory, Agent Hawley reveals that he’s “just checking in on them”, and makes mention of cocaine, and the Yakuza shootout (from the previous episode).  They insist no one was shot by the Yakuza, then all come up with various reasons as to why Ron is in a hospital bed.

A scream draws Agent Hawley off on a “protective sweep”. Cyril suggests they keep agent Hawley away from the cocaine, as it would only be admissable as evidence against them if he actually sees it. Lana, Archer, Cyril, and Krieger head out to search for Agent Hawley.

Meanwhile, Pam, still carrying Cheryl, comes across a mostly naked, drunk, Ray. When Cheryl asks him what his problem is, he breaks down  in tears because he can longer walk and no one loves him anymore. Thinking he hears a woman being tortured, Agent Halwey busts into the room, only to have Ray drunkely hurl empty liquor bottles and insults at him (Pam and Cheryl have left). Lana heads down to the kitchen, to prevent Agent Hawley from finding the cocaine locked in the panty. Hearing Ray’s violent raging, Krieger asks Cyril to remind him to reboot the CPU that makes Ray’s legs work (apparently, it was an easy fix all along, but “think how much happier he’ll be now”).

Down in the kitchen, Lana debates whether to turn the others in in exchange for her own immunity and placement in witness protection, then wonders if children born to women in super max prisons are raised there. Archer comes in, using Woodhouse as a human shield, as he knew Lana would shoot without looking, which is exactly what she does, and Woodhouse collapses in front of the door with a tranquilzer dart in his chest. Archer teases Lana about witness protection, at which point she reminds him she has an unborn baby, and proceeds to tease him about being jealous. He then asks her if she has anemia. Or edema. Or several other pregnancy complications. When she asks him why he knows about these, he admits that he looked it up because he was concerned about her. After saying she was just making sure he wasn’t into “preggo porn” (which he is shocked is even a thing), she tries to brush off the witness protection thing. At this point, he reveals that they don’t make babies grow up in prison. At first, Lana is glad, but when he goes on to say they take them away, literally the minute they are born, and send them to an orphanage, she starts to cry. Archer tells her to run away while she still has a chance (taking five minutes out of her head start to give that swell guy, Archer, a combination thank-you/goodbye blowjob). This cheers Lana up, and they banter for a moment, until she says “I can’t leave you, stupid!”. At this point, Halwey shows up outside the door to the kitchen, threatening them with prison time for obstructing a federal agent. Archer dicks around for a minute, then Lana beats him.

Beginning to lose steam, Pam nearly drops Cheryl, who tells her how to get to the kitchen for more cocaine.

Ron, using two umbrellas as canes, walks out. Mallory reminds him that they can’t coerce married people to testify against one another, and he replies that he wont need to be coerced. She says she can’t stop him from leaving, but brings up the fact that the deed to her apartment is in his name. He says he will mail her her furs.

Back at the kitchen, Lana is still beating on Archer when the wall behind the pantry cage spins around to reveal Krieger and a disgusted Cyril, who “definiately inhaled skeleton…”. Lana is thrilled that the coke is now hidden…until the hear pam eating it on the other side of the wall. Lana tells them to spin it back around, but cyril admits they don’t know how they did it in the first place. Asking if they’d never even heard of scooby-doo, Archer goes over to a wall sconce and pulls it, causiong the wall to rotate, revealling Pam and Cheryl. Lana, Archer, Cyril, and Krieger shoot pam with all of their tranquilizer darts (except for one, that hits Cheryl), and they both go down. Lana sends Krieger and Cyril through the spinning wall with Pam, Cheryl, and the cocaine.

Agent Hawley finally manages to barge through the door, knocking out the just re-awakened woodhouse. LAna tells him he has no right to search the house (now thet the cocaine is safely hidden), and he says he knows they have a lot of international contacts, and it wouldn’t be hard to set up a drug cartel. Lana assures him that they aren’t drug dealers, and he says he’ll be watching them, then leaves.

Krieger and Cyril are alone with Pam and Cheryl. Krieger reveals that he actually only has one mind control chip, and they muct choose: regular lame Cheryl and a Pam who’s not going to overdose on cocaine and die, or a potentially famous country singer cheryl and a Pam who… hmmm… tits. Krieger suggests they flip a coin, but Cyril says no.

Back in the main work room, Lana suggests that even though Agent Hawley is super weird, he is right about their having lots of international connections, Archer says he will make a few trips, and Malory mulls over selling out to an international cartel. She then asks Krieger about the brain chip implant; Pam is still unconcious, between him and Cyril on the couch. He says he thinks it was successful, as “its in there, and she’s alive,” so they just have to wait and see if there are any adverse side effects.

At this point, a yawning Cheryl, dressed in jeans and plaid shirt, holding a guitar walks in. When Lana asks, “Uh, Cheryl?”, she replies, “No, Cheryl’s gone, I’m Cherlene now.”

Krieger suggests that it looks like they needn’t have worried.